Basic greetings
The best-known Chinese greeting is 你好 (nǐ hǎo), literally “you good.” It works at almost any time of day and is the standard phrase taught to learners. In practice, many people use it less often than learners expect, especially among friends and family, where a greeting may simply be a name, a nod, or a remark about what the person is doing.
For respect, the polite form of “you” is 您 (nín), used for elders, teachers, customers, and people you wish to honor. Some people use it widely, while others rarely do, and usage varies by region and generation. A common alternative is to greet people by title, such as 老师 (lǎoshī, teacher) or 王先生 (Wáng xiānsheng, Mr. Wang), which can be warmer than a bare name.
Time-based greetings also exist: 早上好 (zǎoshang hǎo, good morning) and 晚上好 (wǎnshang hǎo, good evening). A shorter, friendly morning form is 早 (zǎo). Many people also use remarks about the situation as greetings. Traditionally, 吃了吗? (chī le ma, “have you eaten?”) was an everyday way of showing concern, rooted in a time when food was not always certain. Today it is less common in some cities, but it is still heard, and it is not a real invitation to dinner.
Thanks, apologies, and requests
- 谢谢 (xièxie): thank you. A more emphatic form is 非常感谢 (fēicháng gǎnxiè), “many thanks.”
- 不客气 (bú kèqi): “don’t be polite,” the usual reply to thanks. Others include 不用谢 (bú yòng xiè) and 没事 (méi shì).
- 请 (qǐng): please, or “please go ahead,” as in 请坐 (qǐng zuò), “please sit.”
- 对不起 (duìbuqǐ): I’m sorry, used for real apologies. 不好意思 (bù hǎo yìsi) is lighter and works for small imposition, and also as “excuse me.”
- 没关系 (méi guānxi): it doesn’t matter, a standard answer to an apology.
- 麻烦你 (máfan nǐ): “sorry to trouble you,” used when asking for a favor.
- 拜托 (bàituō): a polite way to ask for help.
Part of learning these phrases is knowing how often they are used. In close relationships, saying “thank you” for small favors can feel distant, as if you were treating a friend or family member as a stranger. Many people express closeness by omitting some formal phrases and show gratitude through actions, like picking up the bill or bringing a gift. Such norms vary a great deal among families and regions.
Meeting and parting
When meeting someone for the first time, people commonly say 很高兴认识你 (hěn gāoxìng rènshi nǐ), “very glad to meet you.” Business and formal settings may add 请多关照 (qǐng duō guānzhào), roughly “please look after me,” or the older-sounding 久仰 (jiǔyǎng), “I’ve long admired your name,” a stock phrase of courtesy that is not always sincere.
To say goodbye, 再见 (zàijiàn, “see you again”) is standard. A host seeing a guest off may say 慢走 (màn zǒu, “walk slowly,” i.e., take care), and the guest might say 留步 (liú bù), asking the host not to trouble to come further. At the table, the host may say 慢用 (màn yòng), “please eat slowly,” and guests often say 我吃好了 (wǒ chī hǎo le) when finished. These phrases belong to a wider set of table etiquette customs.
Modest speech and honorific speech
One of the more distinctive features of polite Chinese, especially in formal or traditional contexts, is the pairing of humble forms for oneself with honorific forms for others.
- 贵姓 (guì xìng, “your honorable surname”) is the polite way to ask someone’s family name, and the reply may be 敝姓… (bì xìng…), “my humble surname is…” In ordinary speech, many people now simply say 我姓… (wǒ xìng…), “my surname is…”.
- 令尊 and 令堂 are formal terms for another person’s father and mother, while 家父 and 家母 refer to one’s own. These appear mostly in writing or very formal speech.
- 拙作 (zhuōzuò, “my clumsy work”) describes one’s own writing, while 大作 (dàzuò, “your great work”) praises another’s.
These forms come from the Classical Chinese tradition and from the ritual emphasis on propriety found in Confucian values. In daily life, most people use them sparingly and sometimes humorously, but understanding them helps when reading older texts or watching historical dramas.
Receiving compliments and offers
Modesty is a notable theme. Where a speaker of English might answer a compliment with “Thank you,” a Chinese speaker may deflect it: 哪里哪里 (nǎli nǎli, “where, where?”), 过奖了 (guò jiǎng le, “you praise me too much”), or 还差得远 (hái chà de yuǎn, “I’m still far from good”). This is not necessarily false modesty so much as a habit of not appearing proud, and it connects to the concept of face, where preserving others’ dignity and one’s own balance matters in social settings.
Offers can follow a similar pattern. A host may offer food or a gift several times, and a guest may politely decline once or twice before accepting. Younger people today may be more direct, and urban settings often differ from rural ones, so it is best to follow the lead of the person you are with. Exchanges around red envelopes show the same back-and-forth.
Tone and sound
Politeness is also carried in how things are said. Softening particles such as 吧 (ba) and 呢 (ne) turn commands into suggestions: 你坐吧 (nǐ zuò ba) is a gentle “have a seat.” Because Chinese tones change meaning, learners should practice the tones of common phrases, since a mis-toned thank-you is usually understood from context but may still sound odd.
In short, politeness in Chinese is expressed through word choice, modest self-presentation, attention to the other person’s status, and a sense of timing. Learning a handful of phrases will take you far, and watching how native speakers adapt them to the situation will teach the rest.